By Jay Remer, the Etiquette Guy

Holidays are times when we express our love for one another by exchanging gifts. It is so uplifting to find something for someone that you know they have always wanted.

From time to time, we receive things we cannot use, do not like, or do not want for some other reason. The question is what to do with these items though given with the best of intentions with offending the generosity of spirit with which they were given?

First of all, one cardinal rule to remember is that a true gift is given with no strings attached. Otherwise it is not a gift, but a real obligation. Don’t forget this important dynamic when you give someone something.

One of the more obvious guidelines for regifting is to be sure not to give the item back to the person who gave it to you. How embarrassed would you be if you received a gift from someone for whom you had carefully and thoughtfully selected it some time ago?

Do not give something to someone in damaged packaging.  It doesn’t take a real sleuth to see that a parcel has been previously opened, poorly repackaged and rewrapped. Unless it is intended to be a joke, such a gift will likely have less than a stellar reception.

Consider donating unwanted gifts to charitable organisations. There are so many places locally which can pass your unwanted gifts to someone who will be grateful, and these organisations are adept at doing so with grace and kindness.

The saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” has a lot of truth to it. Garage sales are another way to dispose of unwanted possessions. Remember that it can be hurtful for people to see things they have given you showing up in a yard sale, despite the cardinal rule of no strings. Be discrete.

Some people tell me they have a special place in a closet or chest where they keep those treasures they want to recycle. We need to use some common sense when sequestering these items. For example, if something has a shelf life, - such as food stuffs of any kind, even canned -  it’s best to take it to the local food bank.

There are many important traditions, which are brought to the forefront of our minds this week. Giving and receiving gifts are among those traditions, surrounded by gratitude and feelings from the heart. And don’t forget that even if you have no intention of keeping the gift, be grateful: acknowledge the kindness and the intention with a lovely hand written thank you note.

Merry Christmas and the warmest of seasons greetings to everyone!

Jay Remer is the Etiquette Guy, and is certified by the Protocol School of Washington as a consultant for corporate etiquette and international protocol.

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